The End. 5 Years

Today makes 5 years since Clarissa and I tied the knot. 

If your reading this blog you probably know that we've been separated about two years now. At this point the divorce is in its final stages, and the desire to no longer be married is now sufficiently mutual. I'm not going to pretend like there isn't animosity and tension, but that's not the point of this post, quite the opposite. I would like to, in some small way, honor the significant portion of our lives spent together by telling you about three separate snapshots in time that makes it all feel worth it. Three fleeting moments where all the pieces of the puzzle came together just right.

Since my sophomore year of high school I've had one of the best friends a guy could ask for. Unfortunately just out of high school we drifted apart. Thankfully we reconnected after I got married while he was serving a mission for the LDS church. When he returned he hosted a bbq at a park. Nothing special, just a simple get together for our old group of friends. At one point I was manning the grill talking with my freshly returned friend and Clarissa came up to me and wrapped herself around me and Taylie joined in. At just that moment someone snapped a picture, for which I'm really grateful. That moment was perfect. I remember it like it was yesterday, forcing myself to keep from shedding a tear. That was exactly what life was supposed to be like. Here is the picture.

The second moment was very short lived, but overwhelming just the same. We came into possession of an old beat up motorhome to put on or property and finally got it where we thought it would make the trip. Haha this thing was a complete pile. I rebuilt the carburetor and got it running but it wouldn't idle unless I adjusted it for that precise moment in time and that lasted about 3 minutes. The starter solenoid was bad, and it wouldn't shift into overdrive. No a/c, and the mixer was stuck on heat. To start it required me bypassing the solenoid and battery cable with a jumper cable, and I remind you it didn't idle. After an adventure getting it from Ogden to Slc and fueling up, we finally made it onto i 80 headed out through the salt flats. The heat was unbearable. Subsequently about the half way mark to Wendover neither of us was wearing anything but our skivvies. I looked in the rear view mirror and here we were. Having the time of our life, half naked, laughing, talking, the kids in the back trying to get semi trucks to honk at us, broke as a joke trying to afford fuel to get us out there, praying every mile that the rv (which still holds the record for the worlds biggest turd) would make the trip. It was a really great moment. As we got off the exit the rv died in the big intersection in Wendover and all we could do was laugh as dozens of cars lined up behind us while I coerced the old girl back to life. That road trip was magical. It was the American dream all wrapped up in a few hours and a few hundred dollars.

We were lucky enough to be able to get a couple tickets to a play, called the Martin Harris Pageant in the summer of 2011. It is is Lewiston Utah. Around an hour drive from Ogden. Primarily through farming communities and  undeveloped land. We started by going to Denny’s here in Ogden for dinner because we had coupons for free Grand Slam meals. I ordered my eggs sunny side up, and the waitress proceeded to tell me she had never tried eggs with a runny yolk, and asked me if you could “taste the baby chickens.” That was a first. We had a pretty good laugh about that and jumped in the car to head up to Lewiston. We made it through the canyon, and turned off onto the main drag to get to the town. Low and behold there was a small deer on the side of the highway that had been fatally struck by a vehicle. I’d never done anything like it before, but for some reason we decided we were going to pull over. I just so happened to have a bow saw in the trunk of my car from a recent camping expedition and we harvested one of the antlers off this roadkill deer. We got freaked out thinking someone was going to drive by and get us in trouble so we ran back to the car and hurried along to the play, having a really great time together. After the pagent ended we came to the conclusion that we couldn’t live without the other antler. So we pulled over by a small man made reservoir and waited, laying on the hood of my car for around an hour and half until everyone had gone home and the highway was slow enough that we could claim the other prize. We finally found the deer, and Clarissa held the flashlight so I could remove the other antler. When I disturbed the carcass by lifting the head on an angle that I could access the base of the antler to cut it off. There was an absolutely overwhelming sound of a swarm of bugs. It was DISGUSTING. Like straight out of a horror movie; here we are on an dark road in the middle of nowhere standing over a dead deer carcass. Still committed, I summoned the cajones and removed the antler and ran back to the car. Clarissa fell asleep on my shoulder on the drive home. It was silly, and it sounds pretty dumb; but it was one of the most random and fun nights we ever had.

After our separation last year I really wanted to do something for Clarissa since it was our first REAL anniversary, even if we were getting divorced. We were married on Feb 29th 2008 if you didn’t know that (Leap year).

I took the antlers which were hanging up in my shed and soaked one in bleach water for a couple days, removed the felt, and crafted a hydrangea (her favorite flower) out of pieces of the antler. I turned this into a necklace using some beads and old 30-30 casings. It was a true effort of love. She has probably tossed it, but I hope not. I hope its sitting in her top drawer somewhere and she smiles when she sees it. I know I’ll never forget that night. Here is the necklace.

We could have made it together, but we didn’t. She was one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I have no doubt I’ll find happiness in the future, and when it really comes right down to it I hope her new family the best.

This post was mostly for me, I just wanted a reminder, and a record; that the last 6 years of my life wasn't a waste. Maybe some day I’ll decide the best thing to do is delete this blog in its entirety. Who knows.

It’s been a couple rough years, but things are looking up and going great. Each day is a little easier. In a way I’m glad the divorce has been so drawn out. It forced me into dealing with the baggage and hurt the right way and not just trying to fill the void with someone else.

The end of an era…

the turning of a page…

I suppose anything could lie ahead.

The End