- There is an unprecedented attack on the family unit. I’ve personally watched the degradation of the family unit in society lead directly to many social problems that are prevalent in our day and age. I do not wish to downplay the necessity of divorce in some situations, but rather advise against the quickness in which it is often resorted to. It is nigh impossible to find friends that encourage you to deal with pain and heartache in an effort to preserve your marriage. Being in a rocky marriage is hard, but it can be temporary. Being on the rocks doesn’t mean it’s over. One of the biggest sources of peace in my life is laying my head down at night knowing I did absolutely positively everything I could to try and make things work. Those friends you find who can encourage and support you in your (righteous) patience and fortitude are worth a hundred of the friends who say “You deserve better.”
- The “deserve better” attitude is a trap. A downward spiral. People want you to see what they see in you when they say it, and that is great. What no one else knows, however, is what our creator knows. As evidenced by the world around us, He is a master craftsman. He knows the refinement process better than we could ever understand. We may well make choices that led us to where we are, but He always has a way out. He has a plan b on standby as soon as we are ready to take it. Even when we willingly walk into the furnace of affliction, he can turn that furnace it into a crucible, burning away our impurities. Anything you, or your friends and family, think you deserve cannot hold a candle to what our creator has in store for us.
- Pride can destroy a relationship quicker than just about anything. Do not let yourself get in a cycle of self-pitying. See #2. Without tasting the bitter, we couldn’t comprehend or appreciate the sweet. I’m not saying it’s bad to be angry, upset, frustrated, and lonely, but dwelling on those feelings is a self perpetuating cycle. You’ve got to find hope. Cry, yell, read, build something, run, do what you need to do; but when the morning comes(and I promise the morning WILL come) concentrate on the future. Set goals that will help you reach the destination you long to reach. Specifically goals that don’t rely on the actions or choices of others. You have got to work on you.
- When trauma hits a relationship, each party has to work on themselves before the relationship can be worked on. More damage can be done by trying to fix the couple too soon. Just like any other machine, each component has to be in a reasonably healthy and functional state before the separate components can effectively operate together. Space and time can be good. Note that I didn’t say it IS good. I said it CAN be good. It all revolves around what you do with that space and time.
- There is not a reason for everything. You can find reason in anything though. You got where you are at because of a combination of your choices and your partners choices. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that your marriage failing was all “part of the plan.” Accept responsibility and analyze the situation for the lessons you can learn. Watch for Gods tender mercies in your life and the hardest situations like separation and divorce can indeed yield the greatest harvests of personal growth. Take advantage of those learning opportunities, they don’t come cheap.
- You need good friends. Friends you can call in the middle of the night, but friends who don’t just want to sit around and trash talk your ex. Wholesome recreational activities and good conversation are a medicine that you need in this time of loneliness and pain. Friends that will ask you what the heck you’re doing when you start to make bad choices or get stuck in self pity are the best kind you can find.
- Remind yourself why you love your spouse and why you want to keep trying. Sometimes it’s hard. You need to keep these things on your mind in order to not lose motivation in your efforts. Don’t forget the potential you once saw. Even if it’s over, those qualities you once saw are something to be remembered.
- Concerning hypocrisies, lies, negative actions/reactions of your spouse. Don't be afraid to show your pain and displeasure at their actions or choice, but don't lecture, preach, or come down on them. Experts agree that low-stress positive interactions are the best way to form a high trust relationship. I’m not saying there isn’t a line, only you know what and how much you can take (although I promise you will be surprised what you can handle if you turn your struggles over to the lord.) Be patient and loving, in deed and in thought.
- I think the key (if there is one, we have to remember that God would never “soften a heart and MAKE someone come home or be faithful” no matter the sincerity of our prayers and genuine intentions, he will never remove anyone’s agency) to rediscovering love and changing the heart of someone who no longer loves you is patience, service, and charity.
- You need peace. You need rest. Do your best to make your home that place. I slept on the couch for over a year after Clarissa left. Time and change is necessary. Now my room doesn’t feel like our room. There isn’t a single piece of furniture remaining from our time together. The kitchen isn’t organized the same. These seemingly silly changes helped me feel like my home was a place of rest and not a prison of memories. By far the biggest thing I found to help, was striving to make my home a place the spirit could reside. Turn down the noise. Clean up the clutter. Do the basics, the Sunday school answers.
- “Be still my soul, the lord is on thy side. With patience bear, thy cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide” – I couldn’t begin to count the number of times I sang this to myself, it was so powerful in bringing calm to my mind. Even when I reached times that I was physically shaking from anxiety, it had profound effects. Find a source of peace to have on standbye. It’s a tumultuous time, and if you’re anything like me, you won’t be perfect at controlling your emotions when huge things come up. You need to find something that no matter where you are, no matter what or who it is; you have the ability to bring yourself back down. When used in conjunction with daily scripture study, it positively modified my roller coaster of a mind set on a daily basis. It made my life more consistent both emotionally and physically.
- Logic and reason are incredible tools, but you can’t always expect them to lead you to the right answer. If it’s totally inconsistent and unpredictable behavior or reactions that you’re dealing with; mental disorders may be a piece of the puzzle. Seek out professional insight even if the other person wont. A licensed professional met with Clarissa and I for several months analyzing our strengths, weaknesses, and abilities as parents. In her conclusion, was an analysis of our personalities and quirks, which pointed out hidden toxicity in our relationship that was self perpetuating. If we had this valuable information, and used it, two years earlier it could have been invaluable in modifying the dynamics of our relationship and learning to effectively communicate.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
Sunday, June 26, 2011
As we pulled up to the property, disappointment quickly set in.
It seems like the wind got ahold of my pre-fabricated northern-most roof section and took one wall with it due to the banding straps that were attached near the bottom of the wall. The banding straps on the west apparently broke under the stress rather than taking the wall with it.
The solution I believe that we will be trying, money permitting, is to restack the failed walls (hopefully without having to tear down the rest of the structure) and rebuild the roof in place, but this time pour 6 pylons and chain the roof directly to a positive anchor in the ground rather than the strawbale wall.
Luckily we didn't loose all of the lumber from the north roof section as it landed a dozen yards or so away and held its ground.
I stacked a half dozen bails on top of the roof on the west side just before we left a couple months ago thinking that a few hundred pounds of straw would do a pretty good job at holding the roof on in addition to the banding straps. I was very supprised to see that not a single bale (around 50-65 pounds per bale) remained on the roof section still in place. I have definitely underestimated the power of the wind.
It was a neat experience having Chris from England out for a few days. It was fun seeing the things that were new and impressive to him that I don't even give a second thought to like dirt roads, roads that stretch straight for as long as the eye can reasonably see, open space for hundreds of miles, being able to carry a pocket knife and/or other means of self defense.
Taylie realllly wants to go home with him so she can "marry him and live forever and ever in a castle." She's already got the accent down pretty well from this clip she finds hilarious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM.
Taylie really enjoyed his company and even made him a drawing to put in his journal so that he would "Always remember her", I hope he didn't mind coming a few thousand miles to be adored to death by my 4 year old.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
I have kept this on the down low for the last week; but last monday my employment was terminated with FLSmidth SLC Inc. For those of you not familiar with my employment or the company I worked for; I started out @ Summit Valley 3 years ago fresh into the mining industry knowing very little about the precious metals concentration and extraction equipment I serviced. My primary responsibilities were aftermarket sales, shipping and recieving, purchasing, expediting, and project management on a small scale. Summit Valley was aquired by FLS in Dec. of 09. We went from being a small office of two dozen people operating out of second hand cubicles and running the warehouse out of a gravel parking lot and several storage sheds; to a worldwide conglomerate of with thousands of employee's and so many bosse's to answer to I don't even know all of their names. There were definitly pro's and con's to the large company; but if given the direct choice I would take a small company like Summit Valley over a giant corporate beurocracy like FLSmidth despite the lesser benefit packages. I hope my search for gainful employment leads me to a similar place. There is something really really great about feeling welcome to walk into the CEO's office and ask for financial advice, help with your golf swing, or any concerns you may have with your job or your compensation.
I feel good about my efforts @ FLSmidth. I hope that my co-workers and customers there appreciate my efforts and service.
I feel peace despite the hardships that are sure to come with finding a job in this economy. In all of my life I have never left a job by anyone's decision but my own; this is a new feeling. I have never been at a better place in life to face unemployment (well maybe when I was 16 and had no responsibilities and bills). Clarissa has been the most supportive and loving person I could have ever asked for through the ordeal.
If anyone is aware of any technical sales/purchasing/shipping & receiving/ inventory control positions around the wasatch front feel free to email me with info and it would be greatly appreciated.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
My apologies on the quality of some of the pictures, the camera mode got changed without being noticed. It still needs a fair bit of work; like straightening the roof panel seam out on the front, waterproofing the roof, installing a door and window, and plastering the straw; but the walls are up and the roof is on top and secured from the wind.
There isn’t any hard data for its performance, but when it was painfully cold and windy outside it was comfy and cozy with a blanket hanging for a door and my little radiant propane heater inside. It’s like stepping back in time when you walk in. I am happy with how it has turned out so far.
It really has cost about twice as much as I anticipated. Much of that is due to the foundation and roof. I was planning on using more local natural resources for both but changed my mind.
Total square footage is only about 130 square feet, but weighing the costs and efforts I feel pretty good about the size. It will sit and sleep my family and a handful of guests to get out of the weather and play a game, eat, watch a movie, ect... Sheds and awnings attached to the sides should add significantly to the use-able space.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
So we actually accomplished everything we set out to do this weekend. :)